Bad sports

Have you ever noticed how some people think they are holier than thou, jeez, grow up. I used some funny stuff from the net, regurgated jokes and thoughts, used again and again all over the net only I made it interesting. For some strange reason the person thinks he owns these jokes because he put them online...WRONG...freedom of thought is huge mate. These are old jokes made new, re-listed, re-ordered and made up to date...you can't copyright old jokes.
I never mean to offend, I don't do this for profit I do this for the fun of it...
XBadgerX

Things that make you go hmmm

After food, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water

Why call it getting your dog fixed, it doesn't work afterwards but it oughta

Why do people tell you they are speechless "I just don't know what to say"

A whole synchronized swimming team dies because one of them drowned today

Why sterilize the needle for lethal injections and are female moths called myths

How many guided missiles ever really miss

Was the poll vault accidently discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'Up over'

What is the speed of dark and do Vampires ever catch AIDS

What was the best thing before sliced bread was made

What is a bedroom with no bed inside

Did Noah keep his bees in archives

Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip, what do people in China call their good plates

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop, what do batteries run on? Explain

Why isn't 'Phonetic' spelled the way that it sounds, is that wrong

Why is the alphabet in that order, is it because of that song

Why wash a bath towel. Aren't we clean when we use them

Why call it a building when it's already a built building

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular and can you really get off your head

What do you call a male ladybug and do you tell the truth when you lie in bed

What if someone died in your living room and can someone 'draw a blank'

Where does your lap go when you stand up, why did the pot call the kettle black

How many weeks in a lightyear, how can I set my lazer printer to stun

Can anyone make another word using all the letters in 'anagram' well can anyone

Where on earth is Old Zealand, how do you get off a non-stop flight

Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors, what happens when you swallow your pride

That first clock ever invented, what did they use to set it to

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations, well have you

After making Styrofoam curls, what do they ship them in

How can you possibly know when you're out of invisible ink

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery

When a cow laughs does milk come out of his nose

Before inventing drawing boards, what did they go back to

Can someone help me, does anyone know

Or will these questions all stay unanswered in a language with hidden meaning

Or have I caused you awareness of your shortcomings, in the dictionary that is demeaning



Where the pain begins...

My fingers are numb with the cold
I feel so old
So unable to smile
It's been a while since the pain started
I'm broken hearted and alone
I want the hurt to subside
I want to feel alive again
Amongst friends

An outcast

My disease eats away at me
My skin is dying, killing me
The pain intense; too much to take
I cannot take this much more for Christs sake
The parasite eats
Demands flesh
But doesn't give me time to regrow
Start afresh

Where the pain begins
The nerves fall dead
It's working it's way up to attack my head
Nobody helps me, I'm scared and afraid
Of dying without choice
This one has been made
Because I cannot be touched
Cannot be fixed
Mend what is broken without air being mixed

I'm totally contagious, I breathe death
So I'm left all alone to take my last breath...

a piece of me: The Yo-Yo effect

a piece of me: The Yo-Yo effect: "When we’re at our lowest, the world is not enough,We will not get out of bed; the smallest of things are tough.We feel no need to eat or we ..."

The Yo-Yo effect

When we’re at our lowest, the world is not enough,

We will not get out of bed; the smallest of things are tough.

We feel no need to eat or we eat way too much,

Our emotions are buried so deep, they are so out of touch.

The brightest of days will always be blue,

The only person on this earth is you.

You feel so alone, like the last man alive,

With Manic Depression, it’s hard to survive.

No-one can help you, that’s how it seems,

No-body cares; it’s you alone with your dreams.

Why do we feel like this? Why should you care?

You’ll never understand us, you’ve never been there.

That’s how we feel 50% of the time,

The other 50 (if we’re lucky) we’re doing fine.

Then we think we’re potty, enjoying life too much,

Relying on you is a pretty useless crutch.

We wake up in the morning, full of the joys of spring,

It’s only 6:30, am I missing something?

Find some jobs to do, clean the house, so proud.

Make another cuppa, sit back and look around.

Keep euphoric feeling, by going for a walk,

Sit in a park, gaze about, maybe brave some talk.

Don’t dwell on other matters, bills can wait a while,

Fix that broken thingy later & concentrate on my smile.

The sun is always shining when we’re in this mood,

Now we enjoy lots of things, we even like our food.

The evenings last forever; we feel no need for sleep,

If only this was the only mood we could choose to keep.

Morning’s on its way again, we wonder how we’ll feel.

We know our bodies feel o.k. it’s our brain that’s feeling ill.

A psychological battle, we have to fight each day,

Emotional games of yo-yo we know we have to play

There is an explanation, not a cure, a fix,

We’ve got too much of that, a little too much of this.

The doctor has the right words, if you want to know,

But that means admitting you’ve a problem, the doctors you should go.

The drugs do work; the imbalance is put right,

But what happens if we wake up blue one night?

The darkness will take over; the pill-popping will stop,

Or can we fight that feeling and back to bed we’ll flop.

Married with children works better than the drugs,

They give me what I really need, lots & lots of love.

I still have my moments; it’s hard to break free,

Manic depression, my illness, will always be with me.

Now do me one small favour, talk to someone who can help,

And this yo-yo life you’re living may be less of a living hell.

BADGER

Love is...

It's like this, I love your kiss and your touch when you hold my hand
I feel grand
Larger than life, in love with the very escence of you and the thought of a life without you is a nightmare I couldn't comprehend
I love the way you look at me when we talk
I love the way you stroke my arm when we walk
I love the way you finish off the line I didn't end
I love the way you tell everyone, that I'm your best friend

You make my life

Badger